NLP – evil or good?

I put out a tweet asking for suggestions for a new blog topic for this NLP-based coaching blogsite of mine…and received a reply asking if I could somewhat restore someone’s faith in NLP/practitioners because this tweeter had seen too many examples of NLP being used in a manipulative way. Oh dear!! That’s not good! Not good at all.

GORDON GEKKO:

It had never occurred to me that there was a school of thought out there about this amazing form of transformational coaching being used for ‘evil’ not good. How naive of me! Of course….ANYthing can be misused, so why not this? If I was sent on an NLP in business course by a ‘Gordon Gekko’s greed is good’ type of company…then there never would be an intention to use the techniques for helpful coaching of others…it would all be about unfair manipulation to make money. Trance talk and matching/mirroring techniques for example, could be very powerful and persuasive in a sales situation.

EVIL NLP:

I’ve trawled around the internet under the topic ‘Evil NLP’ and I’ve been staggered to see some vehemently negative comments proclaiming it to be oversold, overhyped and misused by NLP supersalesmen/sharks…getting rich…making big claims…and …hurting people without ethical restrictions. Oh my.

Well in fairness, it’s not the NLP techniques themselves that are “evil” – it’s all a question of their use and the intention by the user. The expression ‘if it works, it’s NLP’ would apply to both ‘good’ and ‘evil’ use, naturally. Dr Shipman comes to mind – skills/talent/learning contra-used.

NLP SKILLS:

Personally, I was interested in learning these skills for the purpose of self-development and for coaching others towards happier and more successful lives. I haven’t regretted doing so for a single moment and the learning has shaped my life differently, and that of my family too. It’s given me a sense of resourcefulness for tackling life’s hurdles and a great ‘eat the elephant one bit at a time’ mentality, to overcome ‘mentally projected’ barriers. It’s given me a career too and a powerful set of tools with which to help others. And I do. I really do help others. And sometimes it’s been a life-saver for the people I meet – truly. Adults, children, business folk, bereaved, lonely, phobic, lost, shy, anxious, wounded, stressed, sad, limited, bullied, angry, confused…people for whom the rug has been pulled out from under them and people who have forgotten who they are. And then there are those who just want to be even more confident, feel even more focussed, give better presentations and achieve their goals faster – and I facilitate them too using my NLP-based coaching. It’s a joy.

One little girl arrived, not having laughed for over a year. Her mother was waiting in another room – and heard her daughter able to, at last, laugh out loud during our coaching session. Another client arrived heavy-heavy with thoughts and sadness, and later floated lightly and smiling back to their car. My chef husband notices the way people arrive and the different way they leave and, in the beginning, used to say: “Tell me again, WHAT are you doing with them in that room of yours?”

Other clients have left healthier – and one example is a lady who arrived streaming with profound Hay Fever, having had this for over 20 years – and left 30 minutes later without it (and it’s never returned in the last 4 years). One of my agoraphobic clients was unable to leave their house at all – and so I coached them simply with a few emails and after two days – they went to London on the train! What?! Yes, even I’m surprised, amazed, delighted with some of the results and I’m not a cynic!

I’m not as well-read as some other NLP master practitioners. I’m more about the ‘doing’ than the ‘theory’. I probably blur together one or two techniques. I don’t remember the formal names of some of the methodologies either. But no matter – I coach from the heart, with creativity and care.

THANK YOU:

So, back to the original tweet and tweeter. Thank you. You’ve opened my eyes to a whole different viewpoint out there about this NLP stuff that I hold dearly. And I should have known – ‘the map is not the territory’ and all those presuppositions that NLPers quote. Well, my map has this coaching clearly marked as ‘good’, nay, ‘great’, when used with integrity, elegance, appropriateness, kindness and even a bit of love. I hope that THAT can be your future experience of NLP too. Will you give it another chance?