I hadn’t quite realised, when I started The English Cream Tea Company, just how much it represented my beliefs in life.

 

I’ve always loved the actual contents of an afternoon tea (are there many people who don’t?!)…from the dainty sandwiches to the tempting cakes and the warm scones with clotted cream and jam. Enough said! So what a joy to be involved in making and sending out chilled hamper boxes of deliciousness on a daily basis!

Afternoon Tea in a box

 

However, www.englishcreamtea.com really taps into other aspects that are dearly held. That of spending quality time with people that matter to you and the importance of simply connecting with others. It’s like the antidote to living in a Throwaway Society or the solution to Loss of Community.

 

As a child, I wanted every day to be a gathering – friends and family, the more the merrier. My memories of Christmases in particular, were magical with sometimes 32 of us there – and presents stacked as high as the ceiling. Cousins, aunts and uncles, great aunts/great uncles, grandparents et al – three or four generations all under the same roof – and a hubbub of busy-ness, laughter, cups of tea and fun.

 

Everyone had a role to play in the preparations, whether it was artistic cousin Richard’s job of making the table centrepiece or great uncle Alf, who for some reason, had the task of marking the X in the bottom of the sprouts with a knife. I was one of the youngest and my own job was to dust 3 tables and put out the coasters and Twiglets/Cheeselets. Most important! It was wonderful to see everyone doing their bit though – and even to this day, if a guest at our home asks if they can help, I’ll try to find them a fun way to participate, so they can feel involved. No, I won’t make them wash up (- though, have you ever noticed, that somehow washing up in other people’s houses isn’t nearly so dull as in your own?)!

 

Well at those family gatherings, all the ladies (yes, I know…but this is going back a few decades when the chaps stayed out of ‘Woman’s Work’!) would congregate in the kitchen and pitch in together – and it was really rather marvellous. Whether it was making short work of washing up or creating a production line of tea making until every last person had their cuppa, it was teamwork! I also have the fondest memory of playing games (with prizes!) at those family gatherings – at which point people would either join in or doze.

 

Yet this all contrasts with hearing Esther Rantzen this week talking about the epidemic of loneliness in older members of our community. I remember my great auntie Lily telling me that a week could go by without her speaking to a soul. Oh no. And I’m also aware that our sons live in a block of fla

Guinness World Record of Largest Cream Tea Party Ever!

ts where the only time you meet up with someone is in the lift – and most of the people look away. So I challenge the word ‘community’ too, with a heavy heart. But I quickly rally when I remember back to 15th November 2011 when, charged by Guinness World Record with breaking the record for the largest English Cream Tea Party ever – hubby and I witnessed the glorious occasion of 334 people gathering with laughter and helpfulness and the biggest sense of camaraderie ever. It was a Union Jack waving, scone-eating, all-dressed-up-nicely, joy to behold.

 

Well the hamper boxes of afternoon tea or sharing Picnics that we send out, are usually enjoyed by a handful of people at a time, not 334 – but the principal is the same! It’s a bringing together of people for some quality time and even creating future memories for them. If that sounds old-fashioned, all the better. My parents used to tell me that i

n their early married years, they would gather with friends (pre TV years!), sing songs round the piano or play Murder in the Dark, Sardines and all manner of old-school games. When I told one of our sons, George, about that – he didn’t scoff at the lack of computer games and screens; he thought it sounded fab! So our next step is that we’re now developing some branded Playing Cards, Talking Point Cards and old fashioned games (with instructions in case many of us have forgotten how to ‘play’!) for some of our boxes (coming soon). The thought of you curled up with our cakes and sandwiches, scones, cream and jam, sipping our tea and playing games together, makes me smile from ear to ear. It actually touches my heart even more than the scones make my tum and taste buds happy! Only thing is, can I come round for tea and games too? I love it!!

Jane Malyon – Chief Scone Gnome at The English Cream Tea Company
www.englishcreamtea.com
and The Office Auntie too!

[ < Previous ] [ Next > ]
[ Jane Malyon's blog ] [ 0 comments ] [ Alert Contacts ] [ More Like this ] [ # ] [ Edit ]

Watch this blog:

Check to watch this blog and receive an email when a comment is posted.

Please note: Content posted here will be visible outside Ecademy, including to search engines. Blog authors or The Ecademy Team may hide comments which they think are unsuitable.

Well, alright, that might be a slight exaggeration….but only just.  So let me explain how and why I believe that English Cream Tea could save the world:

You see, it’s all about the civilised rapport-building ritual that afternoon tea entails. All the niceties of sitting expectantly opposite someone, anticipating a nice time, then passing and sharing whilst making pleasant small talk and eye contact.  It’s a million miles from grabbing a burger on the run or eating supper in a row on the sofa, all staring at the television.  English Cream Tea is about manners, deliciousness, quality time and being nice to each other.

For a start, it’s a process that can’t be rushed.  Right?  There’s all that passing and clinking of the china plates and offering of the cucumber or smoked salmon or egg mayonnaise sandwiches. It’s about restraint and consideration in not taking more than your share off the communal plate…and then further restraint in not wolfing your crustless sandwich down in greedy chomps like a chip butty.  For this…this isn’t just food, it’s elegant English Cream Tea – and so we play our part by taking dainty bites, putting the remaining sandwich back on the plate between nibbles. 

And then there’s the whole thing about the stirring of the teapot and the pouring of the tea…and if possible, the use of the tea strainer because it’s ideally tea leaves and not a tea bag.   I haven’t actually heard the phrase ‘one lump or two?’ in a few years, but ‘do you take milk?’ is part of the ritual…..as are the bone china cups, which are by nature, so delicate that they force you to cock your little pinky finger, in your effort not to crush the porcelain.

Then whilst you wipe those crumbs from the corners of your mouth with your linen napkin, you’re already eyeing up the cakes and warm scones…and deciding whether to go straight for the scone/clotted cream/jam affair (while it is still warm, you see)….or whether to save that for after the other pastries and cakes. Hmm and Mmm.  For me, it’s scone time next – the inner heat melting the unctuous clotted cream into an even oozier consistency than it already is.  Thus, a forward-leaning stance may by now be required…with jam splodges down the freshly ironed white blouse being so unbecoming.  And then there’s the moment of the first bite and the combination of the warm crumbling scone, cool cream and sweet jam in the mouth.  Give me a moment…..OK, I’m back…but even thinking about that makes me smile!  But truly, if it’s a great scone (and mine are melt-in-the-mouth ones: order them from www.englishcreamtea.com)…then it’s a magical moment to be savoured…and conversation may have to stop for a moment.  I think I might even shut my eyes at this point.

Oh yes, scones are serious business – but so is the enjoyment of the occasion and the person or people with whom you are sharing Afternoon Tea.  Do take a moment, therefore, to notice the laughter, small talk, smiles, nom-nom food-enjoyment noises and the general ambience.  And whether it’s tea with a new business associate or a treasured friend, the whole ritual of English Cream Tea will provide the communication avenue for getting to know each other in a charming and relaxed manner.

So back to my bold claim about English Cream Tea saving the world!  Well, I defy heads of state to truly go through this process together in small cosy environments with inviting armchairs and delicious nibbles – and not end up feeling closer and kinder to each other’s cause.  Not possible.  Therefore, get that kettle on in the Middle East…and wherever else it’s needed…Auntie Janey might be on her way with heavenly scones, cakes and sandwiches to mend those bridges!

How to Raise Your Child to be A Success In Business

It’s very exciting to really find your niche.  You know the idea that we shouldn’t be generalists, but should niche down into a specialty area that represents our passion.  Only, you’d think that would be easy – well I did.  So how come it’s taken me decades to finally feel – YES! THIS IS IT!  Someone smack me for taking so long.  And yet, in a way, I couldn’t have found it sooner, because I was still stepping on the stones that were leading the way.

What am I going on about?  Well, for years my number one priority between my coaching, training, writing and public speaking work has been…none of the above.  Not that it wasn’t dear to me.  But being a mother topped it all.  Quite right too.  But then I found that my interest in finding the tools to communicate well with my er, challenging and spirited children, tied completely into my NLP work and all my other interests.  Thus, I started running Parenting Strategy Groups and produced my first E book:  Parenting By Stealth (with the subtitle: because ‘do as I say because I say so’ doesn’t work any more!) Aint that the truth!

And then I was asked to be involved in a project with local authorities, wanting to bridge the large gap that employers complained about – that the school leavers were often ‘not fit for purpose’.  Yikes.  This was to do with the youngsters’ general inability in the area of interpersonal skills, ie communicating with confidence, showing initiative, being able to be a team member, taking criticism, presenting information clearly etc etc.    Ah, but then I had a son leave University and became aware of the problems facing graduates too.  300 graduates after one job?  Almost none in my son’s year getting work in their chosen field (he was one of the ‘lucky’ ones but went abroad to find this work)..and so on.

There’s a crisis!  It’s not going to ease up either.  Jobs are scarcer and even if you’ve cadjoled your child into the hardest of work and a first class degree – there’s still no guaranteed work at the end of the line.  We just can’t keep spinning that lie.  The old ‘guaranteed’ route to a great working life has evaporated.  The reality is that neither university nor school are positioned to act as grooming for the employment agencies.

So that’s where we parents had better step in and change what we’re doing in our part of the equation!  We need to nurture the skills that will enable our kids to become superstar employees or awesome entrepreneurs.

We’re going to have to foster the soft skills and all the traits that employers want.  We have to take the time to truly listen to our children and let them set out their thoughts and arguments to prove their points.  We’ll need to fill up their confidence and self-esteem troughs without it turning into arrogance.  And we need to stop solving their problems but instead, supporting their own endeavours to solve them for themselves.  We also have to make it safe for our younger children to fail and for us not to finish all their homework and coursework for them.   Our pride was at stake, our intentions were good – but our children never learned their own deadlines or consequences when we did that.  Blast.  Guilty as charged.

So the book is being crafted and it’s beginning to write itself as I tap into my passion.  But if you have thoughts for my new book as an entrepreneur, employer, educator, youth or parent – let me have them.  I don’t think this book is a minute too soon in the current economic climate – so excuse me, I’ve got an imminent deadline to meet!

I love those witty prosaic sayings like: I am nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore I’m perfect! Yay! They’re easy to remember, usually make me smile and often give me pause for thought.

They can even enable a major shift or ‘reframe’ of a situation: Someone whom I know carries great anger for someone else, read a little phrase I had printed out: Holding a grudge against someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die...and they literally had a lightbulb moment (an ‘Aha!’).

Metaphors have a way of speaking to our inner selves that other language can’t match. When I’m training others in the art of making memorable presentation speeches, I always recommend finding analogies and metaphors to support the facts – it makes them so much more palatable! Also, when I create handbooks to accompany my training courses, I include an appropriate ‘bon mot’ at the bottom of each page – usually beginning on page one with: Sorry I’m late. I’ll leave early to make up for it. This often breaks the ice regarding late arrivers!

The internet is a great place to pick up these one-liners, many of which are anonymous, eg:

• Success comes in cans
• If you want to forget all your other troubles, wear too tight shoes

However, a few are attributable, such as:

• “Why not go out on a limb? That’s where the fruit is” Will Rogers
• ”Do not let what you cannot do, interfere with what you can do” John Warden
• “Two monologues do not make a dialogue” Jeff Daly

Often I don’t know of the person who originated the quote, though there are a few exceptions, such as:

• “It’s a funny thing, the more I practice, the luckier I get” Arnold Palmer

…but recently I wrote a blog and quoted a chap called Peter McWilliams, when I put:

“Guilt is anger directed at ourselves.” I had simply got this quote from the net as usual, just because I liked the words – but suddenly I’ve become aware of a tiny bit about the man behind the words…and it’s made the sentence unexpectedly real and special.

It’s actually the 10^th anniversary of Peter’s death this year (1949 to 2000). A Wikipedia style summary says things like: ‘He was a writer of best-selling self-help books and in later years …terminally ill with AIDS and cancer, he became a vocal campaigner for the legalisation of medical cannabis.’ Well, I don’t really know anything about those aspects of Peter’s life: my relationship with him is new. However, have you had a look at this fellow? Have you seen his expressive, amazing, life-full face? (www.myspace.com/petermcwilliamstribute) And when you see that face, then add in some of his poetry, books or even just some of his quotes…such as:

• “Health is more than just the absence of illness, health is the presence of aliveness, energy, joy”
• “Comfort zones are most often expanded through discomfort.”
• “Mistakes show us what we need to learn.”
• “It’s your life. Live it with people who are alive. It tends to be contagious.”
• “Fear is something to be moved through, not something to be turned from.”
• “To overcome a fear, here’s all you have to do: realise the fear is there, and do the action you fear anyway.”

…and my favourite yet:

• “To the degree we’re not living our dreams, our comfort zone has more control of us than we have over ourselves.”

….and if you’re like me, you feel the words and perceive the face – and what you get is a profound sense of loss. A loss of someone I never met? And yet it’s true: I know I miss him. How do you do that, Peter McWilliams? You are indeed the Food For Thought generator. And on that note, have any of you ever played that silly word game about planning the perfect dinner party – and who would you invite along (dead or alive, historical or current). Well, I’ve just discovered the man I want to sit next to at dinner and so you all had better find someone else interesting, because I intend to monopolise my guest the whole evening long to learn and ask what I need to, before I leave it too, too late again.

I’m a coach for individuals and businesses, specialising in positivity – and I had a very challenging incident to deal with yesterday.  OMG guys. I made a COMPLETE fool of myself in a gorgeous restaurant last night.

Our son’s girlfriend had very kindly asked if we would go out for dinner as her treat.  How kind!  She had chosen a delightful location called Pizzeria Libretto – on Ossington, Toronto and she drove us there in her car.

It was a lovely place – and absolutely brimming with people – queues out the door even on a Monday night.  As we stood in line, we watched the most wonderful pizzas being served and eagerly anticipated ours in due course.  Great stuff.

Something happened though and by the time I sat at our table, the furthest end of the restaurant, I was aware of feeling a bit unwell.  Oh no, I didn’t want to spoil this special evening out!  So I smiled and nibbled on bread and thought that I could take some of my pizza home as I didn’t feel that hungry.  The first course was brought to the table (by the world’s most handsome waiter, surely?) and everyone else tucked in.

Then events began to overtake us.  I was hot. Anyone else hot?  I was fanning myself with paper.  Others started to fan me too. There was a ringing noise in my ears and my skin felt prickly and my legs wobbly.  I don’t feel too good, I whispered.  Mum, are you alright?  I could hear but couldn’t answer or open my eyes. I was gone.

Out of the blue I fainted and then, deep joy, ‘came to’ a bit and promptly threw up all over myself & the entire table. Many, many times. It wasn’t pretty.

BUT…there’s such a silver lining that followed, that it turned this embarrassing and horrid experience into something so special, I’ll treasure it.

As soon as I became ill, hubby, son and girlfriend became the most extraordinary care team, supporting me, supporting each other, liaising with the restaurant staff and just dealing effortlessly with the whole situation.  You’d think they had rehearsed.  They were SO kind and reassuring, dealing with mess and chaos discretely and positioning themselves in such a way to form a barrier to other diners in the restaurant.  The girlfriend even got wet tissues to wipe away mascara from under my eyes – thank you sweetie!  At the same time, the restaurant staff instantaneously changed the order as one ‘to go’…and simply facilitated the whole event in an understated, professional way.  10 out of 10 to them for their help in our crisis – not to mention the fact that they even packaged up a dessert to go with the pizzas too!

Outside it became clear that I couldn’t get into the car in the messy state I was in, so I had the interesting experience of stripping off my clothes in a side street and redressing in just my coat – watched rather closely by an oriental tramp who even crossed the road to get a better look!  Home we went after that and I was so lucky to have son and hubby continue to care for me with such love, attentiveness and kindness throughout the night – that I felt absolutely blessed.  Iced water, straws, bucket, damp cloth for my forehead, supportive, lifting arms and reassuring loving words all flowed for hours and hours – and although I truly felt like death warmed up, I had a great big smile on my face. And the CN Tower which has been in plain colours for days on end – was suddenly putting on a glorious rainbow show – surely just for me, too!  Bliss.

What’s that Og Mandino quote?  “I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness because it shows me the stars.”  Well, stars I had last night – great big magical ones, in absolute abundance.  I wish for stars in dark times for you too.  And me?  Today, I’m just resting in PJs, sipping on water and lounging about – but I still have an enormous smile etched on my face that just won’t go away.

I love my work as a trainer (particularly in communication skills, public speaking and network presentations) but right now I’m very excited about my forthcoming e-book:

PARENTING BY STEALTH (because DO AS I SAY BECAUSE I SAY SO doesn’t work any more!)

Click here too, for more info about PARENTING BY STEALTH plus  Launch Details re the forthcoming e-book: Parenting by Stealth – packed with creative tools for the parenting tool box.

However, in the first place, perhaps I should point out the obvious:

I am not a perfect parent.    Sigh!

My children (two creative, spirited lads currently aged 25 and 20) think it’s hilarious that I ‘dare’ to tell other parents how to parent, when they clearly think I’ve made loads of massive errors in that department! And they’re probably right. So I’m not going to tell anyone how to do anything but instead, present to you some creative strategies that may well prove to be most interesting and useful tools for your parenting tool box. And we can never have too many of them!

I’ve called it Parenting by Stealth because, if you have sassy, quick-witted, eloquent, technologically-able children – who may well be cleverer than you (our oldest can certainly out-argue us any day of the week!)…then traditional ‘Do As I Say Because I Say So’ methods, won’t cut it any more. This generation do not respect their elders just because they ‘ought’ to (even the tiny children!)…they know their own mind and aren’t afraid to express it – and that’s how one of our boys ended up with 26 detentions given to him in just one week at school!!

Apparently Stealth Parenting is also a modern term for performing childcare duties whilst pretending to be at a business meeting or other work-related function.  Ah – if you’re looking for info or a book on that…this isn’t it! This is about finding creative ways to provide guidance, support and sometimes boundaries…without it being a win-lose situation and maybe without the kids even noticing that that is what you’re doing.

So, if you’ve tried all the ‘old methods’, the ways that maybe worked (or maybe didn’t) on you as a youngster….then read on for some new tools for your tool box to help guide our amazing youngsters through the minefield of growing up.

For excerpts from the forthcoming e-book: Parenting By Stealth, click here and scroll down.    I’m running a course on Parenting Strategies in November too which might be of interest.   However, in the interim – I do hope you like the radio show!   I haven’t heard it myself yet (except when it came out of my mouth!) so I’ll be interested to listen in too!

I’m fortunate enough not to have personal experience of divorce and the legal system courts, CAFCASS and such-like (my husband’s shouting out: YET!).  However, from the little I’ve learned, there isn’t much on offer in the way of emotional support throughout the process, for the adults and children involved.

How can that be? With such a roller-coaster of emotions to negotiate, it’s come as a real surprise to me that there isn’t a well-established coaching system already in place for this in the UK – as the ‘norm’.

CLIENTS TOO TEARFUL TO MAKE DECISIONS

I have recently been in discussions with the matrimonial dept of a large firm of solicitors, with the possibility of becoming part of the extended team available to clients, who might benefit from supportive coaching.  It was their idea and a very creative one too.  One solicitor told me that sometimes clients are too tearful for it to be appropriate to press for important decisions to be taken at such a time.  Indeed, using your solicitor’s office as a counselling room, could be an expensive therapy, methinks.

DIVORCE COACHES

Apparently other countries (eg Canada) have Divorce Coaches available to ‘see you through’ the turmoil of the process and out the other side as resourcefully and emotionally intact as possible.  What a great idea!

NLP-BASED COACHING – WOULD THIS BE OF USE?

So I’m thinking that I will extend my services to cover this aspect.  Without any accurate research as yet, my guess is that the services I already offer, may well encompass exactly what’s needed.  This is about supportive and caring NLP-based coaching sessions, whereby I help people deal with anger, sadness, guilt, regret and lack of ability to trust.  I coach people who have had the rug pulled out from under them.  I facilitate others to see the wood for the trees or find their inner confidence/self-esteem and move forward.  I coach children and adults who are lost souls or are living with fear and uncertainty.  I see children with nightmares or with clingy, unsure behaviour, always afraid to give an answer, in case it might be wrong. Not my area of expertise, but I have helped a few self-harming children too, as well as others with eating disorders.   So, as I say, my guess is that these might be some of the aspects that possibly need addressing during a divorce….but perhaps you can let me know whether I’m right or not?

MOVING OUT OF THE COMFORT ZONE

Under all circumstances though, divorce is change and change is challenging and requires an adjustment of the comfort zone.   It must surely be of help, therefore, to speak to someone impartial, non-judgemental and willing to really, really listen without ‘you should do this and that’ responses.

FIRST UK DIVORCE COACH?

So I’m up for setting sail in this direction and wonder, will I be the first Divorce Coach in the UK or are there others of you out there already?

NLP – evil or good?

I put out a tweet asking for suggestions for a new blog topic for this NLP-based coaching blogsite of mine…and received a reply asking if I could somewhat restore someone’s faith in NLP/practitioners because this tweeter had seen too many examples of NLP being used in a manipulative way. Oh dear!! That’s not good! Not good at all.

GORDON GEKKO:

It had never occurred to me that there was a school of thought out there about this amazing form of transformational coaching being used for ‘evil’ not good. How naive of me! Of course….ANYthing can be misused, so why not this? If I was sent on an NLP in business course by a ‘Gordon Gekko’s greed is good’ type of company…then there never would be an intention to use the techniques for helpful coaching of others…it would all be about unfair manipulation to make money. Trance talk and matching/mirroring techniques for example, could be very powerful and persuasive in a sales situation.

EVIL NLP:

I’ve trawled around the internet under the topic ‘Evil NLP’ and I’ve been staggered to see some vehemently negative comments proclaiming it to be oversold, overhyped and misused by NLP supersalesmen/sharks…getting rich…making big claims…and …hurting people without ethical restrictions. Oh my.

Well in fairness, it’s not the NLP techniques themselves that are “evil” – it’s all a question of their use and the intention by the user. The expression ‘if it works, it’s NLP’ would apply to both ‘good’ and ‘evil’ use, naturally. Dr Shipman comes to mind – skills/talent/learning contra-used.

NLP SKILLS:

Personally, I was interested in learning these skills for the purpose of self-development and for coaching others towards happier and more successful lives. I haven’t regretted doing so for a single moment and the learning has shaped my life differently, and that of my family too. It’s given me a sense of resourcefulness for tackling life’s hurdles and a great ‘eat the elephant one bit at a time’ mentality, to overcome ‘mentally projected’ barriers. It’s given me a career too and a powerful set of tools with which to help others. And I do. I really do help others. And sometimes it’s been a life-saver for the people I meet – truly. Adults, children, business folk, bereaved, lonely, phobic, lost, shy, anxious, wounded, stressed, sad, limited, bullied, angry, confused…people for whom the rug has been pulled out from under them and people who have forgotten who they are. And then there are those who just want to be even more confident, feel even more focussed, give better presentations and achieve their goals faster – and I facilitate them too using my NLP-based coaching. It’s a joy.

One little girl arrived, not having laughed for over a year. Her mother was waiting in another room – and heard her daughter able to, at last, laugh out loud during our coaching session. Another client arrived heavy-heavy with thoughts and sadness, and later floated lightly and smiling back to their car. My chef husband notices the way people arrive and the different way they leave and, in the beginning, used to say: “Tell me again, WHAT are you doing with them in that room of yours?”

Other clients have left healthier – and one example is a lady who arrived streaming with profound Hay Fever, having had this for over 20 years – and left 30 minutes later without it (and it’s never returned in the last 4 years). One of my agoraphobic clients was unable to leave their house at all – and so I coached them simply with a few emails and after two days – they went to London on the train! What?! Yes, even I’m surprised, amazed, delighted with some of the results and I’m not a cynic!

I’m not as well-read as some other NLP master practitioners. I’m more about the ‘doing’ than the ‘theory’. I probably blur together one or two techniques. I don’t remember the formal names of some of the methodologies either. But no matter – I coach from the heart, with creativity and care.

THANK YOU:

So, back to the original tweet and tweeter. Thank you. You’ve opened my eyes to a whole different viewpoint out there about this NLP stuff that I hold dearly. And I should have known – ‘the map is not the territory’ and all those presuppositions that NLPers quote. Well, my map has this coaching clearly marked as ‘good’, nay, ‘great’, when used with integrity, elegance, appropriateness, kindness and even a bit of love. I hope that THAT can be your future experience of NLP too. Will you give it another chance?

We used to keep a pair of goats and sadly, one of them died, leaving us with a single goat. However an ‘alone’ goat is a sad goat to be sure and when Gordon passed away leaving just Bennett, the lonely goat was so distressed our only options were for us to either move into his stable with him – or have him move into the house with us. We chose the latter (hmm – ever seen a goat watch TV – I have!) ….and next day we urgently found Bennett a companion goat (Joshua!) to both live outside!

Goats aren't the only flocking animal - are you one?

Well, goats aren’t the only ‘flocking’ animal; it can be vital for all of us to be connected to others too. That doesn’t mean we can’t live alone – but it refers to someone, some group, something…to whom we can feel connected? For some of us this is a partner and maybe children. For others it may be extended family. Then there’s Facebook or Friends Reunited…being a football team supporter… having colleagues at work…owning a pet…and of course, religion – a sense of being part of God’s family.

Sometimes it’s in the sharing of a story with friends, or the showing of the holiday photos to the family, that it can all be enjoyed even better than the original experience – have you noticed that?

Even if you are a Lighthouse Keeper, it’s important to have some sense of connection on this planet. Actually, that should be: especially if you’re a Lighthouse Keeper! Indeed, beware the absolute loner who has no tie-ups at all….the person whom the neighbours have no idea who they are…for that can spell trouble.

Well, it seems that our goats knew a thing or two. So just take a moment to think about your ‘connectedness’ – and if it’s looking a little sparce, why not consider joining a club, volunteering with a group or finding some other way to connect to a few more people for chat, camaraderie and laughs. Go on, my friend. It’ll do you good!

It’s a poor NLP pun, this spelling of ought-ism -  but it’s a good reminder to notice when we use the words ‘ought’, ‘must’ or ‘should’.  They are reproachful sticks to beat ourselves with!

Chocolate cake?  I ought not to

I should be half a stone lighter

I must ring my mother

I ought to clean this car

Ought, must and should can be about levels of behaviours, guilty consciences and failed benchmarks.

I met a lady who loves to read – but hears a voice in her head every time she opens a book:  Ann: you should do the washing up first….or….  Ann: you ought to do the ironing before you read.

Well, according to whom?

So firstly, let’s establish: there are no Ought Police.  You actually do have choice.  Do you WANT to read right now and choose to wash up another time?  Fair enough.  Do you WANT that cake with both its delicious taste and its calories?  It’s up to you!  You must ring your mother, must you?  Well, you can choose to, or not to, and there may or may not be consequences: but you DO have the choice.

So be wary of creating your own Nanny State full of ought, must and should rules.  What do you choose to do?  What do you choose not to do?  It’s good to have options!