It’s a poor NLP pun, this spelling of ought-ism -  but it’s a good reminder to notice when we use the words ‘ought’, ‘must’ or ‘should’.  They are reproachful sticks to beat ourselves with!

Chocolate cake?  I ought not to

I should be half a stone lighter

I must ring my mother

I ought to clean this car

Ought, must and should can be about levels of behaviours, guilty consciences and failed benchmarks.

I met a lady who loves to read – but hears a voice in her head every time she opens a book:  Ann: you should do the washing up first….or….  Ann: you ought to do the ironing before you read.

Well, according to whom?

So firstly, let’s establish: there are no Ought Police.  You actually do have choice.  Do you WANT to read right now and choose to wash up another time?  Fair enough.  Do you WANT that cake with both its delicious taste and its calories?  It’s up to you!  You must ring your mother, must you?  Well, you can choose to, or not to, and there may or may not be consequences: but you DO have the choice.

So be wary of creating your own Nanny State full of ought, must and should rules.  What do you choose to do?  What do you choose not to do?  It’s good to have options!