IS IT OK TO BE SELFISH?
Published May 7, 2009 | 
For many of us, our own needs come way down in the pecking order…behind children (even when they’ve left home!), partner, friends, the dog, the hamster…well, everyone else really! In fact, asserting our own wishes can be a win-lose situation because it can be at the expense of feeling guilty (either self-imposed or encouraged by family members or colleagues perhaps!) – and there’s no fun in that, alas.
You know, as a life coach and NLP therapist, I see people who are trying to make something better in their lives. It might be about releasing themselves from phobias, past memories, limiting beliefs….or perhaps it’s about gaining confidence, a greater sense of identity or achieving goals. As part of the process, I might ask them to write out a list of the most important folk in their lives. In fact, let’s all do it right now – just jot down the top 7 names that come to mind. I’ll wait!
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Now, have you ever travelled on a plane? If so, can you remember what the cabin crew or safety message tells you to do, in the event of a loss of cabin pressure and the oxygen masks dropping down for use: “… if you are travelling with children/elderly…” whose mask do you put on first?
Yes, you’re there. The answer is to put your OWN mask on before helping others. Of course! If you keel over because you haven’t done so, then actually you’re no use at all to anyone, least of all to those who depend on you!
Sometimes, not always, but occasionally, it really is necessary to ‘put your own mask on first’. If you are over-stressed, low, exhausted, invisible maybe – or just in need of a little time out for a boost….then that’s what you should do….a bit of TLC for YOU. What sort of TLC, I’ll leave up to you – but mine includes attempting watercolour painting (little talent but much enjoyment!) or meeting up with a friend. Another personal favourite is heading up to bed early with TV remote control and a mug of tea in hand! Yes, I know I should be reading worthy books and improving my mind instead – but I like watching telly and I especially like watching it in bed (so sue me!).
SO…back to your list of 7 names above – have a look. Did you remember to put yourself down as one of the 7, or is it purely a list of everyone else that’s large in your life? Oh dear. Tut tut! Come on, if you’re the sort of person who props up the whole family or perhaps are relied on at work or by friends far too much – imagine the effect of you not being there at all! Reaching ‘burn out’ stage or ill health is clearly best avoided – so instead, build into your life a means of recharging your own batteries. Without your own health and wellbeing, you just aren’t able to support those who look to you for support.…so sometimes, putting your needs first, your oxygen mask on first….is actually doing a favour to all who are important to you. This blog therefore, officially entitles you to allow yourself a little bit of guilt-free ‘Me Time’ – and in my book, a touch of selfishness is not only OK, it’s positively healthy! Now where’s that remote control?
Posted in Uncategorised | 
Achieving Goals, Cabin Crew, Colleagues, Family Members, Gaining Confidence, Hamster, Helping Others, Jot Down, Life Coach, Little Time, Mask, Memories, Oxygen, Pecking Order, Phobias, Safety Message, Time Out, Tlc, Travelling With Children, Tv Remote Control | 
Leave a commentThe happy public speaker
Published May 2, 2009 | Last week I gave a talk about NLP to a group of ladies. I’ve previously talked on another topic to this group in Wickford, Essex (and very friendly and welcoming they were) – but this time I was talking about NLP coaching, uses and techniques.
The topic of phobias caught their imagination straight away. “Who here has a phobia?” Hands shot up all round the room! You’d have thought I’d asked: Who here would like a ten pound note?! All sorts of phobias appeared: Birds…snakes… mice/rats….flying….lifts. Pick a phobia, any phobia. Yes, these were classics – and the ladies shared their stories and we nodded and smiled…and then I told them about other phobias that clients had presented with – fear of buttons, fear of insects, fear of condoms (that was a new one on me at the time), fear of being sick and even fear of blushing.
That last fear manifested in a charming executive who had made a small joke during a board meeting, and found that all the attention he gained, made him blush – making his ears go red, in turn. Someone asked if he was ok, because his ears were red….and that was it – he was mortified and the fear was established. Poor chap; what an unfortunate result. After that, he became quieter and quieter at work, trying not to attract attention…and it was a downward spiral leading to beta-blockers and constant visits to the Gents, to splash water on his face (getting rid of any potential redness).
Anyway, our NLP coaching session together quickly helped this super young man to ‘reframe’ – you know, able to put a new perspective on it all and see it in a different light. Within minutes after that, he was laughing at the incident and able to shrink that mountain back into a mole hill again. Bless!
So hooray for the results of NLP coaching – and thank you to the Wickford ladies for making me so welcome – once more! In fact, they’ve heard me speak 3 or 4 times in total and have now said that they’re going to start all over again, having me back to give exactly the same talks!