Well of course, we all speak in public – it’s just when it’s ‘proper’ public speaking (ie when you’re standing up talking to a group who are listening just to you), that it all kicks off!

When I run my short courses on how to be a happy public speaker, I frequently hear that people are FINE talking one to one – they aren’t tongue-tied, nor self-conscious.  The words flow, eloquence pervades and they speak with confidence.  But then – if you put those same people into the Public Speaking scenario – everything changes.  Fear, dry mouth, forgetting the words, pinched voice, boring tone, shaky hands etc.   Oh my!

We’ve heard that fear of public speaking is the No.1 fear – and fear of dying, ranks third!  Lol.  That’s a bit mad – but it’s actually a commonly held view. So what’s the difference between talking to one person or even 2 or 3 people – and the whole ‘standing up in front of an audience’ thing?  Well, mostly – it’s the concept, the thought of it, the perspective – all those things to do with frame of mind.  And what a shame that is.  Being able to express yourself and communicate your message enthusiastically and clearly, is such a strong card to have in your hand – and with networking being the main way to gain new business these days,  it’s also a vital card to have.

If you can’t attend my next course, then here’s a few TIPS for you, towards being a happy public speaker:

* When you stand to speak, soften your knees.  Tightened knees and straight legs tend to lead to a more constricted, higher voice!  Bendzeknees!

* When you stand to speak, avoid rearranging your clothes, covering your face with your hands or fidgeting.

* Look at your audience and smile.  Show them they are in good hands.  If you’re nervous, they become it too – and that gets in the way of the message you’re conveying.

* Absolutely never read words verbatum from paper, ie a pre-written word for word script.   It completely gets in the way of your rapport and relationship with the audience.  Have some notes if you wish, on postcard-sized card (doesn’t shake as much as A4 paper…and can go in your pocket or handbag too).

* Better to speak with slightly less detail, but speak with passion and enthusiasm, engaging your audience with your eyes, voice and body language.

* Remember, you are the expert on what you are about to say: noone else has heard it – it’s the first time for them – so speak with conviction and speak slowly.  Pause for breath!

* My final tip today is to do with the Before and After of Public Speaking.  Before:  No, no, no to projecting negative thoughts ahead and allowing yourself to build up fear!  Just prepare properly and rehearse your words a bit in readiness.  And After?  No, no, no to beating yourself with a big stick about any bits that you think didn’t go right.  Not allowed!  Just take the learning, pat yourself on the back for the great stuff – and then onward and forward.

I’m not sure quite how I became such a happy public speaker.  I think I faced my Gremlins head on, decades ago, perhaps.  What seems to be certain is that whenever I’m an After Dinner Speaker, as sure as eggs are eggs, I’ll spill some sauce or gravy down the front of my top, before I have to get up to speak!  I need a Pelican Bib on, like a baby.   One time, sitting at the top table of a posh dinner event, I saw the inevitable soup spillage on me and yet, there was no time to dash to the loo to change or wash it.  So, I lifted up the tablecloth edge, sunk low in my chair, and then somehow managed to slip my arms inside my top, swivel the top around, put my arms back through and voila – I had it on back-to-front.  Of course, the label showed – but you can’t have everything!  Ha.  These days though, I just stand up, point to the stain and ask – “Anyone else do this too?  No?  Just me then!!”….and get on with the talk.

More secrets and tips to follow in future blogs.  Let’s get everyone in to the frame of mind of being happy, enthusiastic, fun public speakers.  But hey, don’t put me out of business!

Last week I gave a talk about NLP to a group of ladies. I’ve previously talked on another topic to this group in Wickford, Essex (and very friendly and welcoming they were) – but this time I was talking about NLP coaching, uses and techniques.

The topic of phobias caught their imagination straight away. “Who here has a phobia?” Hands shot up all round the room! You’d have thought I’d asked: Who here would like a ten pound note?! All sorts of phobias appeared: Birds…snakes… mice/rats….flying….lifts.  Pick a phobia, any phobia.  Yes, these were classics – and the ladies shared their stories and we nodded and smiled…and then I told them about other phobias that clients had presented with – fear of buttons, fear of insects, fear of condoms (that was a new one on me at the time), fear of being sick and even fear of blushing.

That last fear manifested in a charming executive who had made a small joke during a board meeting, and found that all the attention he gained, made him blush – making his ears go red, in turn. Someone asked if he was ok, because his ears were red….and that was it – he was mortified and the fear was established. Poor chap; what an unfortunate result. After that, he became quieter and quieter at work, trying not to attract attention…and it was a downward spiral leading to beta-blockers and constant visits to the Gents, to splash water on his face (getting rid of any potential redness).

Anyway, our NLP coaching session together quickly helped this super young man to ‘reframe’ – you know, able to put a new perspective on it all and see it in a different light. Within minutes after that, he was laughing at the incident and able to shrink that mountain back into a mole hill again. Bless!

So hooray for the results of NLP coaching – and thank you to the Wickford ladies for making me so welcome – once more!  In fact, they’ve heard me speak 3 or 4 times in total and have now said that they’re going to start all over again, having me back to give exactly the same talks!